Three Boys Make Mom a Queen (or a Saint)

Find Time For Your Passion by Linda Gray

2005-11-04T21:51:00.000-06:00

Did you ever wonder how some people manage to find time for 'hobbies' and 'pastimes' when you are only JUST fitting in everything you HAVE to do in the space of each 24 hours? The answer is passion.

It's been said many times before, but the phrase ' if you want something badly enough you'll get it' is 110% relevant to our everyday lives.

Are you passionately committed to keeping a clean and tidy house? Then I would hazard a guess that your house is clean and tidy most of the time.

Are you passionately committed to your job and promotion prospects? The chances are you are on your way up that ladder right now.

However, the majority of us live our lives according to the passions and sometimes the whims of everyone around us. Why? Because we never stop to think what we actually WANT, what we actually LOVE or what we are actually passionate about.

Do you really, deep down in your soul, believe that the world will fall apart and no-one will like you if you don't keep your house clean? If so, then take a few tiny baby steps out of that box for a moment and remember the dust will always be there tomorrow... your friends or your dreams may not. Phew.. Now there's a kick in the teeth.

I often imagine I would like a clean and tidy house fit for a royal visit. But I'm never able to commit myself to the time and energy it requires - Why? Because I'm NOT passionate about housework. Never have been, never will be. I would rather spend time with my family and friends, chatting on the phone, going for long walks or dancing the night away. And guess what - a royal has yet to turn up on my doorstep un-announced!

Sometimes our passions get mixed up with will power or focus or even concentration.

I said I should give up smoking for years. Course I should. It's bad for you. My problem was that I DIDN'T WANT TO. No, I enjoyed smoking, so I carried on doing it.

Funny how it's easier to carry on doing the things you enjoy isn't it?

So we come straight back to passion... what do you like to do? Make a list. Write it all down. Even the stuff you know you 'shouldn't' do. You can sift that out later when you WANT to. But before you start your list, consider each passion carefully.

Do you really want a clean and tidy house for YOU or is it just so the neighbours won't say bad things about you when they drop in for coffee? If you are using your precious time to keep on the 'good' side of other people, pause for a moment and remember that those other people are definately NOT perfect. There will be areas of their lives you will not agree with - I guarantee!

I once had a neighbour who informed the world and it's mother she believed cleanliness was next to Godliness and spent all day every day cleaning her house. In the 12 years I lived next door to her, I don't believe I ever saw another person step over her threshold, apart from her family. Her passion was to have a clean and tidy house. Well, I guess that was okay for her, but I couldn't help feeling sorry for her family who were not allowed to invite friends home, make a mess, or get dirty when out playing. Her passion became an obsession. The reasons behind her actions were her own, but I didn't see her smile very often and laughter was a long way from her face. So why did she behave in this way? Perhaps she believed that was her place in the world and no-one could fault her if she performed her duties to the utmost of her ability.

Her children moved out as quickly as they could and her long-suffering husband moved in with a lady who cared more for him than the dust bugs. And who could blame him?

Winding down?

Most of us are committed to spending a certain amount of hours every day working, often for someone else, just to earn enough money to get through to the next paycheck. Does this sound like you?

At the end of the working day, we need to find somnething to make us feel good, to enable us to endure the next day's hard graft.

Governments are wise to this formula and have enabled the average working man/woman to be able to afford entertainment in their homes. Television keeps us sane - or does it? Television helps us wind down - or does it? Television makes us happy - or does it?

I don't watch television. I've always felt, although there are some great programmes and lots of learning to be gained, the television companies are determining WHAT we watch and WHEN we watch it.

I want to decide those things for myself.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a cold sales call one evening. The woman trying to sell me their latest phone package deal referred to a television advert. I told her I was unaware of this advert because I don't watch TV. She kept me talking for approximately 10 minutes during which time she referred me to this particular TV advert a further 4 times, and each time I assured her I had not seen it because I don't watch television. She DID NOT believe me. Or she just wasn't listening.

Is this what we have come to, - everyone in our region watches the same adverts, the same programmes, the same news stories every single day or night? Yep, I guess we have. The masses are kept under control. We are all thinking the same thoughts. Our brainwaves are tuned to the exact same brand of fish fingers being the best thing for our kids since sliced bread - hmm a debateable point! And we have no time left for ourselves.

Step out of the box.

Find your passions in life. Make a list and seriously consider each thing you write down. Is it what you want or is it what you think other people want from you. Remember your life is yours alone.

You may be responsible for the care of others, children, parents, the sick or needy. But ultimately this is YOUR life. You only get one shot at it.

Don't waste another minute watching those adverts - you can watch the exact same ones tomorrow if you so wish. Believe me they won't go away!

Television is one of the biggest time-consumers. And every moment you are watching, your life is ticking away. Scary huh? But true!

This article is not written as an anti-TV commercial. There is a place for TV in our lives and it is after all the fastest way of absorbing news from around the world. BUT, and this is a big but, most of us grab the remote control, and settle for the least boring channel of the moment. And each minute you spend watching that boring channel could be spent enjoying one of the passions in your life.

Every moment you watch that grinning fisherman feeding the latest shape fish in breadcrumbs to a bunch of kids, is a waste of your life.

Try this experiment to find time for YOU in your life...

1. Make a list of your passions - remember they MUST be YOUR passions, no-one else's
2. Pick one and find time for it.

Now how easy is that!!!

Many years ago I learned to knit. Knitting has had a bad press for as long as I can remember. -Knitting's for grannies - well, I am a granny now, and I knit less than I ever did! - Knitting is boring, time consuming. Who needs to spend three months making a jumper you can buy down the thrift shop for pennies.

But I enjoyed the challenge. New yarns and stylish pattern designs make knitting fun and fast, and I can knit even if I am watching TV, albeit a rare occurence for me personally!

Knitting can be picked up during the adverts and worked at for 5 or 10 minutes at a time. The equipment takes up very little space. It's cheap - often costing nothing - to set up. And best of all, for me, knitting is completely incompatible with eating chocolate. I like to get out my knitting during the adverts rather than diving into the fridge!

Knitting is my passion, and over the years I have learned to design my own clothes, toys and many practical household items. And, although at moments in my life I have had to live within an incredibly tight budget, I have always found the materials needed to be able to continue with my hobby.

Knitting is MY passion....what's yours?

Reading? Writing Poetry? Stamp collecting? Scrapbooking? or maybe your passions lie outside your four walls - Gardening? Tennis? Gym Club?

Find your passion and you will find the time AND resources to carry it through. You may even turn your hobby into a thriving business. Books have been written on the subject. I am on my way to creating a knitting empire at the moment.... Look out for me!!

About the Author:
Linda Gray is a freelancer writer and has spent more than 10 years nurturing a neglected acre of woodland and turning it into a beautiful family garden. For pots of gardening support drop in at http://www.flower-and-garden-tips.com anytime.. Bring a cuppa!

What Goes Down (Sometimes) Comes Up Again by Ken Donaldson

2005-11-03T09:25:00.000-06:00

(Written in Yosemite National Park)

This is about the law of gravity inverted...sorta. Nature always strives to create balance, which is otherwise known as homeostasis. Examples would include day and night; high tide and low tide; summer and winter; and, of course, up and down.

Gravity, however, seems to create a skewed dimension because it pulls everything down. In day-to-day life terms, especially from an emotional perspective, the "down" energy can seem as powerful as gravity, and henceforth, very challenging.

I was thinking about all this as I was hiking in an area known as the Tuolumne Grove. Nestled in mountainous northern Yosemite National Park, here lies a grove of Sequoia trees. These mammoth trees can be 20 feet in diameter and close to 300 feet high. They are considered to be the largest trees in North America and make for great photographic images.

As I hiked down to the Grove I kept reminding myself that I was at least 6000 feet above sea level and that the hike back up might be somewhat challenging (some old asthma residue seems to kick up at higher altitudes). And so right I was. After thoroughly enjoying the Grove and getting some great photos, I found myself hoofing it back to the top. This is when this "up-down, down-up" theory of Life came to my mind. And I must say that it served as a wonderful distraction as I put one foot in front of another on my way back up again.

Going down was easy, as gravity and physics were more than happy to assist me. Going back up, however, was tough, as I was fighting gravity and those various laws of physics. It was hard work (I also had my tripod and my camera, as well as several pounds of other necessities), but as I shuffled my feet, no matter how small the step, I kept going forward and upward.

Before I knew it I had reached the top again with this story ready to written. Of course, I was more than ready for a nice meal and a short nap as well (thank goodness for the RV!!).

And so it is with Life. It is so easy to go "down" into the depths of apathy, addiction, depression and procrastination. It is like a gravitational magnet as it requires very little, if any, effort. That, with our incredible built-in denial system, can put us in a "down" space in a hurry. And yet, getting "up", or rising again, can seem to be as challenging as fighting gravity, as it takes more effort, much more, going up than going down.

I have often used the analogy of the "two thousand pound magnet and the paperclip" when describing this downward pull towards negative energy. That negative energy is the magnet and each of us is a paperclip. It matters not how much you know or how strong-willed that you might be, if you get too close to that magnet it will have it's way with you.

The key is to have an action plan in case you should find yourself being pulled into a negative situation. One thing is for sure; if you keep shuffling your feet forward and upward, as I did on my trek back up from the Grove, you will eventually get back out of the magnetic pull and to the "top" of your Life.

Furthermore, and perhaps more important, is to have a proactive mindset of knowing where some of these magnetic fields are. It is very wise to know the people, places, situations and activities that you know are a unique challenge for you to stay "up" when you are confronted with such. Create a proactive plan for yourself that will give you the options and support to make it through, and around, the magnetic pulls in Life.

Remember: It is up to you to take care of the "paperclip" that you are (Okay, a golden paperclip that is diamond studded!!). In other words, you are solely responsible for yourself and the better equipped you are in attitude, skills, knowledge and experience, the more likely you will be of staying "up" much more than being dragged "down". Go ahead; defeat the laws of gravity--who knows, maybe you'll make it all the way to the top!!

See you at the top...

About the Author:
Ken Donaldson has been based in Tampa Bay offering counseling, coaching, and educational programs since 1987. His REALationship Coaching programs empower people to have more successful lives, businesses and relationships by building a powerful relationship with themselves first. Ken is also the author of the upcoming book Marry YourSelf First! Visit his website: http://www.REALationshipCoach.com for more information and sign-up his free e-program Illuminations and Sparks of Brilliance. Copyright © 2005, Kenilee, Inc. Ken Donaldson, M.A., L.M.H.C. REALationship Coaching.

When Disaster Looms by Steve Goodier

2005-11-02T23:33:00.000-06:00

It's said that we are regularly faced with magnificent opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations. I once read of a quick-thinking salesperson who uncovered such an opportunity which seemed, at first, to be a disaster.

With the presses set to run three million copies of Theodore Roosevelt's 1912 convention speech, the publisher discovered that permission had not been obtained to use photos of Roosevelt and his running mate, Governor Hiram Johnson of California. Copyright law put the penalty for such oversights at one dollar per copy.

Spotting a hidden opportunity, the chairperson of the campaign committee dictated a telegram to the Chicago studio that had taken the pictures: "Planning to issue three million copies of Roosevelt speech with pictures of Roosevelt and Johnson on cover. Great publicity opportunity for photographers. What will you pay us to use your photographs?"

The reply came back: "Appreciate opportunity, but can only pay $250." The campaign committee not only obtained the permission they needed, but came out $250 ahead!

Was the oversight a disaster or an opportunity? The answer, of course, depended on how they approached the problem. Perhaps that is why the Chinese word for "crisis" is written using the characters for "danger" and "opportunity." With a cool head and a little imagination, the danger in a crisis may be turned into an unexpected opportunity.

What hopeless problem are you currently facing? And what might happen if you approach it as a magnificent opportunity brilliantly disguised as an impossible situation?

About the Author:
Steve Goodier Publisher@LifeSupportSystem.com is a professional speaker, consultant and author of numerous books. Visit his site for more information, or to sign up for his FREE newsletter of Life, Love and Laughter at http://LifeSupportSystem.com.

Identity and Creating by Douglas Eby

2005-11-01T09:05:00.000-06:00

Engaging in a creative venture often brings up questions and uncertainties related to personal identity: Am I qualified? Do I have enough experience, strength, talent, skill? Will the work be good enough? Will I be good enough?

Creative expression is based on both our inner selves and our abilities, so maybe it is inevitable we question both our self concept and talents.

But our insecurities and doubts may not be just a matter of objective competence. For example, two actors noted for being able to create distinctive and powerful characters have made revealing comments about their own identities. The late Peter Sellers once said, "If you ask me to play myself, I will not know what to do. I do not know who or what I am." And Jennifer Jason Leigh has claimed, "As a person, I don't really register that much. Director Robert Altman says that as a person I disappear in a way."

Feelings about identity can drive creative projects. Painter Laura Molina says on her website, "I feel the need to assert my identity in the most militant way possible... As an educated, native-born, English-speaking, fifth generation Mexican-American and a feminist, there is almost no reflection of me in the movies or television, which is almost as bad as being stereotyped."

Stifling a need to create, on the other hand, can leave "a small hole in the fabric of our self-esteem" as Gloria Steinem puts it. Not creating can also be a path to depression, according to psychologist Eric Maisel among others.

Saying we "can't" write, paint, perform on stage, develop a new medical test or create in some other way is in effect not giving ourselves "permission."

The sense of inability may be based on some outside standard of what a "real" creative person is, or relates to being a "failure" at doing something creative. Getting beyond or "bypassing" intellectual restrictions on our creativity can be a matter of shifting one's attitudes and unrealistic standards.

This idea of an outside authority for what we must be in order to create can be potently self-limiting. Almost any craft or artform has some collection of criteria for what makes it work, what makes it good. But creative people in any field often bend or even break those rules.

The common feeling of being a fraud, inadequate, an impostor, is something many of us have experienced to some degree in trying to realize our creative talents.

Director Jane Campion, esteemed for "The Piano" and other films, has admitted, "I never have had the confidence to approach filmmaking straight on. I just thought it was something done by geniuses, and I was very clear that I wasn't one of those."

It may be especially challenging for someone who has gained esteem, acknowledgment and identity in a field not considered "creative" when they want to pursue a more recognizably creative project.

But it isn't just a matter of self-concept; there are social pressures that can make defining our identity difficult. Creativity coach Dave Storer, one of the contributors to the book "Inspiring Creativity" (edited by Rick Benzel), writes that "most people in our culture will not let you easily claim a creator's identity. They will push against you and demand 'proof' of your creative talent."

He counsels to keep working at your chosen project anyway, and over time you will become comfortable with your identity, because it "comes from the doing of it."

Maybe our sense of identity is always fluid, and always unfinished. Many artists have commented that creating is not only a way to express their unique self to others, but is also a means to more fully understand and define who they are to themselves.

About the Author:
Douglas Eby writes about psychological and social aspects of creative expression and achievement. His site has a wide range of articles, interviews, quotes and other material to inform and inspire: Talent Development Resources
http://talentdevelop.com/.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/

Permission To Be An Artist - Granted! by Linda Dessau

2005-10-31T10:45:00.000-06:00

Since I've been offering Artist Retreat Day programs, I've been hearing a lot about the concept of "permission". Some artists who said yes to a retreat day shared that this was a much-needed structure to enable and empower them to FINALLY give themselves permission to take time for their creative work.

Others just couldn't say yes, just couldn't give themselves permission.

What does it mean to have permission to do something? My thesaurus tells me that other words related to permission are: consent, sanctioning and authorization.

Consent signifies agreement, validation that what you're doing meets with specific expectations, criteria and guidelines. It sounds solemn and like someone has faith in you. Sanction is an even more formal declaration of acceptance and faith.

Authorized to Create
Authorization – well, that implies that you're something special. That not just anyone is meant to be painting this painting, writing this song or designing that jewelry. You have been specially authorized to do it.

And why? Because you have the unique gifts that are necessary to bring that creative project into being. Who authorized you? The same power that granted you those gifts and skills – whether you choose to think of that as God, the universe, Spirit, or another name. As we read in the Science of Getting Rich, by Wallace Wattles, we're not given the desire to do something without also giving you the skill to carry it out.

Why is it so difficult to authorize ourselves, grant ourselves permission and consent, to sanction our own creative work? Sometimes we seek this permission from others, unconsciously (or consciously) hoping they'll deny it, so we won't really have to venture into the scary world of living up to our potential.

A lot of these words symbolize that external permission is needed. And sometimes it is.

Permission from Others
Whether you want to attend an artist retreat day, meet a deadline or just develop a new idea that came to you overnight, you'll sometimes need permission from the people you share your life with to take the time for your creative work.

It might mean delegating household work or child-care or rescheduling a date or planned event. All of you might also need a willingness to be flexible and to accept that sometimes things don't get done right away. It also means ensuring an environment of support for your work.

Will others give you permission? Of course you can't control what anyone else thinks, says or does, but consider this: our loved ones will take cues from us about how serious our creative work is to us. If we're constantly putting it on the back burner, putting our work down, and letting it be the first thing to go when things get stressful or busy, we're teaching others to treat it the same way.

If we don't take our creative work seriously, why should they?

Permission from Self – Artist at Work
I think what's even more important is the permission we give ourselves. There are so many reasons we deny ourselves permission to pursue our creative work. Fear tops the list. Fear of success, fear of failure, fear of what people will think of us, fear of being good, fear of being terrible, or fear we'll let someone else down, to name a few examples.

Sometimes we hold on to earlier instances when we were denied permission, denied access, not sanctioned or authorized, or when our work was criticized or belittled. Some of us have even been told, directly, NOT to pursue our creative work ("don't give up your day job", "find another path", "you have no business doing this work"), which hung a big UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS sign on the door of our creative hearts.

So hang a new sign on your creative heart – one that reads "Artist at work". And in fine print, "This work has been sanctioned by _______" (the name of your source of Power).

10 Signs That You've Given Yourself Permission To Be A Creative Artist
1. The first words out of your mouth when someone asks "and what do you do?" are "I'm a songwriter/artist/sculptor/writer, etc.".
2. You work steadily at your craft, whether it's working on or re-working pieces or promoting your work.
3. You teach your loved ones to treat your art seriously.
4. The materials and resources that you need to create with are part of your budget and are planned expenses every month.
5. You're committed to your learning, growth and development, participating in artists groups and discussion forums and seeking out mentorship and coaching.
6. You don't let mistakes or criticism stop you from taking your next steps.
7. You're building the resources you need to support yourself financially, emotionally and spiritually.
8. You're conscious of your physical lifestyle habits and choose the ones that won't interfere with your creative work.
9. You find opportunities to pass on your knowledge and support wherever possible, to someone who's had less experience than you have.
10. You consistently say no to requests for your time, energy and commitment that will take you away from your creative work.

About the Author:
Linda Dessau, the Self-Care Coach, helps artists enhance their creativity by addressing their unique self-care issues. Feel like your creativity is blocked? Sign-up for your complimentary copy of the popular e-course, "Roadblocks to Creativity" by visiting http://www.genuinecoaching.com. © Linda Dessau, 2005.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/

The Guiltless Affair by Lucinda Ferrara

2005-10-28T09:34:00.000-05:00

I get weird, morbid pleasure sometimes out of talking to my husband about cheating. Affairs. Scandals. I can't help but bring it up while casually scanning his eyes for a glimmer of guilt, looking for a certain reddening around the collar, trying to catch the whiff of women's perfume when he leans in to hug me and promises he'd never, ever forsake me for anyone else.

Despite continued vigilance, I've yet to find any clues that my husband is fooling around. The deepest recesses of his closet hold only lint balls. The messages on his voice mail at work are dull and mundane. The credit card statement contains no mysterious charges, besides the revelation that Hubs eats far more barbeque for lunch than he admits to. Okay, okay, I can be a snoop- but only after I've watched an episode of Cheaters and gotten tears in my eyes as Two-Toned Tammy screams "We got a baby together! We got a baby together! How could you do this to me!" at her philandering boyfriend-of-six-years after catching him in the Popeye's parking lot with her roomate/sister/best friend.

I'm not alone in my snooping, either. Hubs likes to show up in the middle of the day sometimes, unannounced, just to "see what I'm up to." When I went out of town with the kids a few months ago, I returned home to discover that he'd gone through my entire bathroom cabinet, searching for God-knows-what. He's also admitted to Googling my ex-boyfriends. I find this kind of thing flattering. I've told Hubs I don't ever want a boyfriend. But I've admitted that I would really like an admirer.

My admirer would be quite handsome, enough to give my husband pause, but he'd also be an advocate of courtly love and would have a "look-but-don't-touch-EVER-not-even-when-you're-both-a-little-drunk-
and-there's-no-one-around" kind of sensibility.

Instead, my admirer would content himself with sending me flowers (Casablanca lilies) and boxes of candy (Godiva) and books of poems (Neruda), with notes that say things like, "When I saw you in carpool this morning with the sun in your hair, I realized I had never seen anyone or anything more beautiful." Or "You fold a fitted sheet with a grace and perfection that others can only dream of. Thank you for being you." Or even "You are the hottest soccer mom this side of the Mississippi. Ah-OOO-gah!" I'm not particular. It's the thought that counts.

My husband might not like all the attention my admirer would give me, but he'd have to tolerate it because he has plenty of admirers of his own. The nature of his job is such that people are constantly coming up to him and telling him how great he is. He loves to tell me these stories, to which I counter with something like, "Oh the same thing happened to me today. I was at the supermarket and this total stranger walked up and said, 'I just love your ability to save at least 25% on your grocery bill every time you shop!'" Hubs generally snorts derisively while I quietly seethe. But my admirer would put a stop to this kind of behavior.

"Hubs," he'd say, taking my husband's hand and shaking it heartily, "I hope you know you're a very lucky man." Hubs would look slightly uneasy as he noted the firm handshake and kind eyes of my admirer. That night, Hubs would turn up with a large bouquet of his own and an offer of dinner and dancing. Or dinner and drinking, which is more our style.

"Admirer," I'd say as he called me on the phone for the fifth time in a week, just to hear the charming lilt of my voice, "I really can't accept your gifts anymore. You've been simply wonderful, but between you and me, I think Hubs is getting a little jealous."

"Lucinda," he'd whisper with just the right blend of regret and compassion, "I will be content to admire you from afar, if that's what it takes to make your life easier. But I have devoted my life to you- and the evidence of that will be impossible for either of you to ignore." Regretfully, we'd both hang up the phone.

After weeks of not hearing from my Admirer, my husband would silently bring me a copy of the Living section of the newspaper. "Local Artist Receives International Recognition for "Lucinda" Series", the headline would read. Pictured beside his oil painting called "Lucinda with the Sun in Her Hair" would be my Admirer, his searing, questioning eyes burning through the newsprint.

A short time later, I'd be named Parent Magazine's Mother of the Year based on an anonymous submission. Hubs would try to pretend he mailed in the entry, but the editor's admission that my "ability to artfully manage the lives of my husband and three children while radiating an amazing inner calm and stunning the locals with my otherworldly beauty" set me apart from the other entrants would clue me in on who was really responsible for my resulting photo session and free trip to New York.

By the end of that year, "Lucinda (Love of My Life)" would top the Adult Contemporary music chart.

I'd join the super exclusive ranks of world famous muses. Occasionally, Vogue or Vanity Fair would do short pieces on me, despite my wish to remain anonymous. The only photos they'd be able to secure would be of me rushing between my minivan and my front door, using one arm to balance Baby and a bag of soccer balls and holding up the other in front of my oversized-sunglasses-and Pucci scarf-covered face. Yet readers would note the winsomeness in my frown, the hurried spring in my step. Soon, I'd have Admirers showing up at my door from all parts of the globe.

So you see, what's an affair really besides some hurried bonking and a lot of postcoital guilt? An admirer is really the way to go. If you know of any good candidates, I'd be happy to review their qualifications...

About the Author:
Lucinda Ferrara is a freelance writer and television producer who spends most of her time raising her 12 and 14-year-old stepdaughters and her 1 1/2 year old daughter. You can read more about her life and times on her blog at http://www.suburbanturmoil.blogspot.com.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/

Positives And Negatives Are Contagious by Josh Hinds

2005-10-27T23:18:00.000-05:00

I'm a big believer that both positives and negativity can be contagious. Here's an example of what I mean...

Say for instance that I'm feeling a bit stressed out or down in the dumps. If I am not careful or aware of what's going on, suddenly it appears that my entire day begins to take on this feeling.

Certainly good things are happening as well, but I can only focus on the negative aspects (I bet you can identify with this as well, right?). Luckily the same example holds true when we introduce things of a positive nature into our day (or have someone do that for us).

Here's a quick list for turning negatives into positives. Keep in mind that positive thinking is very related to trial and error. What might motivate you, might not me and vice versa. The key is to keep looking for what works for you.

1. Tell someone you appreciate them. This can be done with a simple phone call, letter, or e-mail. For added emphasis use details about what you most appreciate about the person.

2. Read and review lots of inspirational and motivational material. This does wonders for "fighting off" the negative feelings. I keep a series of tapes in my vehicle and my personal library of books within reaching distance.

3. Post-it notes - I am sure you use post-it notes to leave tasks that need to be done. I have them posted all over my computer monitor. Consider using the post-it notes to leave positive quotes (to yourself or those around you). One advantage is that they stay right in view and don't get in the way.

Well, there's a short, but effective list of things to do. I'd love to hear what you do to inspire yourself or those around you.

Here's to your success, Josh Hinds

About the Author:
Josh Hinds of http://GetMotivation.com specializes in helping people to achieve maximum success and live the life of their dreams. He is also the co-founder of http://AudioMotivation.com - visit now to hear leading motivational speakers and authors share their tips and advice with you. (c) All rights reserved.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/

Commitment Phobia: Are You Commitment Phobic? by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

2005-10-26T09:25:00.000-05:00

Marilee, a client of mine, was commitment phobic. "I'd love to be in a loving relationship," she told me in one of our counseling sessions, "but I'm not willing to give up my freedom. I have a great life. I love my work and my friends. I love to travel and take workshops and classes. I don't want anyone telling me what I can or can't do. I don't want to deal with someone feeling hurt because I want to work rather than be with him. It's just not worth all the hassle."

Marcus, another of my clients, was also commitment phobic. "When I'm not in a relationship, that's all I can think about it. I really want someone to play with, to love and to grow with. But soon after getting into a relationship, I start to feel trapped. I feel like I can't do what I want to do and I start to resent the person for limiting me. Most of the time, she has no idea what's going on and is stunned by the break-up. She thought everything was fine. After leaving her, I'm back to square one ˆ wanting to be in a relationship. This has happened over and over again."

Commitment phobia has its roots in the belief that when we love someone, we are responsible for their feelings rather than for our own. Once we believe that we are responsible for another's feelings of hurt or rejection as a result of our behavior, we believe we need to limit ourselves in order to not upset the other person. Then, instead of standing up for our own freedom and right to pursue that which brings us joy, we limit our freedom in an effort to have control over the other person's feelings. This will always eventually lead to resentment.

"Marilee, " I asked in one of our phone sessions, "What if you picked someone who also loved his work and his personal freedom?"

"Frankly, I can't imagine that. Every man I've been in a relationship with has wanted to spend more time with me than I have with him. Am I just picking the wrong man over and over?"

"No," I replied. "But you are not standing firm in your freedom from the beginning. You give a lot at the beginning because you enjoy being with him, but, as we've discussed, you also give yourself up a lot at the beginning. You make love when you don't want to. You stay up later than you want to for fear of hurting him. Then, when you do start to tell the truth, he is surprised and hurt. Until you are willing to risk losing him from the beginning rather than lose
yourself, you will continue to create relationships that limit your freedom. You end up believing that it is the relationship that limits you, but it is your own fears and beliefs that keep limiting you."

In my sessions with Marcus, he discovered that he had no idea how to stand up for himself in a relationship. As soon as a woman wanted something from him, he gave it to her. He just could not bring himself to say no. Then, of course, he ended up feeling trapped.

Marcus discovered that his fear of saying no to a woman came from two sources:

1) He believed he was responsible for her feelings, and that he was bad if he did anything that upset her.

2) He was afraid that if she felt hurt, she would get angry and reject him.

As a result of these two fears, Marcus continually gave himself up in relationships. However, giving himself up created such resentment toward his partner that he eventually didn't want to be with her anymore and left the relationship.

In order to have both our personal freedom and be in a committed relationship, we need to learn to take responsibility for our own feelings rather than the other person's feelings, and we need to be willing to lose the other person rather than lose ourselves. Commitment phobia heals when you become strong enough to be true to yourself, even in the face of another's anger, rejection, or loss. If you want to have a loving relationship, then you need to do the inner work necessary to develop a strong adult self who can be a powerful advocate for your personal freedom.

About the Author:
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions Available.

Self-Sabotaged by Research by Karyn Greenstreet

2005-10-25T10:48:00.000-05:00

A woman in my MasterMind group posed a question today: why did she spend all her time doing research and never actually go on with "doing" the thing she was researching? She loved looking up information, finding resources, interviewing people, gathering facts. But taking these facts and applying them to her business seemed to always be put on the back burner.

It's called "analysis paralysis". The idea is this: if I could just gather this information, if I could just find this fact, if I could make this list a bit longer -- you get the drift.

The cause is simple: it's easier for many people to research than to "do" because gathering research is often a successful task, while acting on the research is fraught with the possibility of failure, stress, or pressure. So we stay in the research mode because it's safe and we get a lot of positive feelings about having uncovered the information we need.

Don't get me wrong: research is vital. I've seen many businesses fail to thrive because they haven't done the marketing research necessary to see if people WANT TO BUY the service or product they want to sell. The key, as always, is balance. When you find yourself doing more and more research, then you can bet you're procrastinating on the "doing" side of things. You have two choices:

1. Try to figure out why you're not doing the work, or
2. Just do the work.

Either choice is valid, but guess what? Choice 1 is still "research!" :)

About the Author:
Karyn Greenstreet is a Self Employment expert and small business coach. She shares tips, techniques and strategies with self-employed people to boost clarity and focus, create sustainable motivation, and increase sales and profits. Visit her website at http://www.PassionForBusiness.com. © 2005 Karyn Greenstreet.

Secrets Of Happy Moms by Carrie Lauth

2005-10-24T08:15:00.000-05:00

Have you ever noticed how some Moms seem to be very contented and confident in their role as Mothers, and others seem chronically stressed and approaching burnout? Why are some Moms unflappable and able to keep their sense of humor, while others overreact to the slightest stressors in their day?

I'm currently observing and interviewing these happy Moms as I conduct research for an upcoming book. While all Moms are different, these women usually have several of the following traits in common.

1) They keep it simple.

I know one Mom who grocery shops every two weeks and buys the exact same thing every time to prepare the same menu of 14 dinners. Why does she do this? She's picked the family's favorite meals for her menu to save herself time and arguments at the dinner table. Anyone with kids knows they like to eat the same things over and over! This Mom has decided not to reinvent the wheel twice a month. This is just one example of keeping it simple.

2) They teach their kids to be independent.

This doesn't mean they leave them to their own devices all day. But a smart Mom knows that a 2 year old can put a dish in the dishwasher, a 4 year old can prepare his own peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and a 7 year old can sweep a floor (albeit imperfectly!). Call it "outsourcing" for Moms.

3) They drop the SuperMom complex.

Not sweating the small stuff seems to be a common trait of happy Moms. They learn to pick their battles. Getting buckled into a car seat? Not negotiable. Pink paisley pants with the orange plaid shirt? Fashion creativity.

Happy Moms also realize that being an awesome Mom doesn't mean being a perfect Mom. 'Nuff said.

4) They can often be overheard repeating the phrase "This too shall pass".

It doesn't mean that bothersome behavior in kids should be overlooked, for discipline is a huge time saver in the end. It means that Moms realize that children are...well, uncivilized creatures, and that much uncivilized behavior will simply go away on its own as the child matures. Smart Moms are also keenly aware of their child's development and don't expect more of them than they are able to give.

5) Smart Moms take care of themselves.

They don't blame the baby for their extra weight when the baby in question is potty trained! They put emphasis on good nutrition, avoiding too much by way of stimulants (caffeine, sugar), they get adequate rest, and daily exercise. They realize that you can't pour from an empty bucket.

6) They live in the moment.

Happy Moms realize that the days are long but the years short. It's not that they are impervious to stress, it's that they have learned to lower their expectations and be in the moment when things get difficult. When your toddler is puking all over the house, this is not the time to reorganize the hall closet. A sick day then turns into a time to create sweet memories of hours spent reading and cuddling on the couch.

7) They don't worry about what others think.

Whether it's the disapproving glare from the old lady in the checkout line, the Mother in law who is convinced you're starving the baby by breastfeeding, or the Pediatrician whose medical advice strays into parenting advice, happy Moms learn not to give too much weight to the opinions of those who don't live in their home.

8) In other words, they trust their instincts.

Whether it's taking the baby to bed with them so they can get more sleep or taking a bullied child out of public school, smart Moms know that they are the expert of their own babies.

9) Happy Moms have "something else"

It may be a part time home based business or a hobby like belly dancing. These Moms know that some day their babies will fly the coop, and they make sure they have a passion that will give them purpose when that happens.

About the Author:
Carrie Lauth (http://www.carrielauth.com) is the author of the upcoming book: "Awesome Moms: 187 Years of Mothering Wisdom". Take a sneak peak at http://www.momswisdom.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/

Heroes by Mac Bledsoe

2005-10-21T10:05:00.000-05:00

In today's society like in the past, kids have heroes. This is a good thing. However, in modern society it seems the process of selecting heroes has become rather muddled or confused. Fame should not necessarily make a person a hero. We have experienced this from both sides: first as parents of two sons who chose heroes while growing up, and now with two sons who have distinguished themselves as outstanding athletes who are often the object of hero worship.

Please hang in here with us on this one so there is no misinterpretation of what we are attempting to say with this article. We do believe that both our sons are worthy heroes. Both are moral and admirable people with a strong sense of family. It is just alarming to see how so many people have selected them. Many children have been taught to or at least allowed to select their heroes/role models based upon nothing more than skill at a game. Few of these kids know much about their heroes beyond this particular skill. If children had been taught some criteria or standards for selecting role models, it would be different.

Allow us to illustrate with a personal example. Barbara's Father, Dick Matthews, died suddenly last week. His five grandchildren delivered the eulogy at the funeral. It was obvious to all in attendance that "Grandpa Dick" was a hero to all five. As they spoke of him through their tears, they all mentioned his hero status in their eyes and used words like loyal, dedicated to his wife, hard-working, honest, a man whose word was his bond, as well as describing a fun Grandpa who always had a smile a mile wide.

Dick Matthews was quite a fellow. Nobody could outwork him outside his home. He built houses for a living but he also ran a 120-acre farm and did odd jobs on the side as was needed for extra money. If necessary, I'm certain he would have taken a night job to provide for his family and he did all of his work cheerfully, and with a bounce of purpose in his step. Inside their home it was a different story. In his house, Dick was the king and Maxine, his loving wife of 56 years, waited upon him hand an foot. It was not a "modern" romance but rather one from a previous generation and it worked beautifully for them. Dick earned a living and Maxine kept up the home.

Then, ten years ago, tragedy struck that loving couple and Maxine was stricken by a severe stroke. Overnight she became in need of around-the-clock care rather than being the caregiver. Without the slightest blink, Dick became that 24-hour, 7 days a week caregiver and on top of it he began to do all of the housework! He did all of the laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping and everything else Maxine had done for all the years of their partnership of love.

A year ago, while out to breakfast alone with Dick, I was struck by the enormity of the change he had made on behalf of his loving wife and I asked him how he made such an amazing change so suddenly and so cheerfully. His answer really affected me that day and it will always be in my memory. He looked back at me, got tears in his eyes, and then quietly said, "One day 56 years ago, I said 'I do'..."

At his funeral each of his grandkids said that one thing they had learned from Grandpa Dick was to honor commitments! They each got the message.

We as adults need to hold people like Dick Matthews up as heroes to our children! We all know people in our families and in our neighborhoods that are so worthy of being heroes to our kids. We must not be so careless as to think that kids will seek out these remarkable but often quiet people; we need to teach them what a real hero is and point out some in their immediate surroundings. Sure an athlete makes a flashy hero and many are worthy of the status, but let's be careful to teach our kids what makes a person worthy of hero or role model status.

Make tomorrow "Hero Day" in your family and talk about what makes a real hero!

About the Author:
Mac Bledsoe, founder and President of Parenting With Dignity®, lectures to parents organizations, youth groups, in schools and churches across America. Mr. Bledsoe and PWD have been featured on the TODAY Show, ABC's 20/20 show, and on numerous national and local radio and television programs. Visit PWD at: http://www.parentingwithdignity.com.

A Work of Art by Steve Goodier

2005-10-20T21:14:00.000-05:00

Edward Fischer writes in Notre Dame Magazine (February, 1983), that a leper (or, more correctly, a sufferer of Hansen's Disease) in Fiji followed the leading of his twisted hands. He became an internationally known artist. "My sickness I see as a gift of God leading me to my life‚s work," he said. "If it had not been for my sickness, none of these things would have happened."

As a young girl, Jessamyn West had tuberculosis. She was so sick that she was sent away to die. During that time she developed her skill as a writer and authored numerous novels in her lifetime.

That great author Flannery O‚Connor suffered numerous ailments - lupus struck her at 25 and she walked only with the aid of crutches for the final fourteen years of her life. She noted, however, that this illness narrowed her activities in such a way that she had time for the real work of her life, which was writing.

Some people succeed in spite of handicaps. Others succeed because of them. The truth is, our problems help to make us what we are. Those who suffer often learn the value of compassion. Those who struggle often learn perseverance. And those who fall down often teach others how to rise again. Our troubles can shape us in ways a carefree existence cannot.

A story is told of an Eastern village that, through the centuries, was known for its exquisite pottery. Especially striking were its urns; high as tables, wide as chairs, they were admired around the globe for their strong form and delicate beauty.

Legend has it that when each urn was apparently finished, there was one final step. The artist broke it - and then put it back together with gold filigree.

An ordinary urn was then transformed into a priceless work of art. What seemed finished wasn‚t, until it was broken.

So it is with people! Broken by hardships, disappointments and tragedy, they can become disappointed and bitter. But when mended by a hand of infinite patience and love, the finished product will be a work of exquisite beauty and effectiveness; a life that could only reach its wholeness after it was broken.

If you feel broken remember that you are a work of art! And you may not actually be complete until the pieces are reassembled and bonded with a golden filigree of love.

Your Life's Work by Dr. Dorene Lehavi, Ph.D.

2005-10-19T08:31:00.000-05:00

I stopped by the nursery to ask an expert to come to my house to see why my beautiful young tree appeared to be dying. He told me the tree was beyond help and couldn't be saved much to my sadness. He began pruning some of my overgrown plants and asked if I'd like him to continue. Much appreciated, I said. He instructed me as we moved through the yard.

He worked like a symphony. You could tell that he didn't learn what he was doing in a classroom. He was working from somewhere inside of himself, intuitively, lovingly from his soul. When he finished I offered to pay him but I sensed he would refuse. I knew there was no way to put a monetary value on what he had done.

Everyone has their own unique work to do. When you do it, it is easy and flows. For some it is difficult to discover what their purpose is. But not finding it means missing out on what we were meant to do on this Earth. It is easy, especially in this culture, to distract ourselves by meaninglessness.

Deepening knowledge of yourself is the goal of much coaching.

About the Author:
Dr. Dorene Lehavi, Ph.D. is principal of Next Level Business and Professional Coaching. She coaches Professionals and Business Partners. You can purchase her ebook or soft cover editions of Stop Doing What You Hate.Start Doing What You Love at http://www.StartDoingWhatYouLove.com. Contact Dr. Lehavi at Dorene@CoachingforYourNextLevel.com or on the web at http://www.CoachingforYourNextLevel.com and sign up for her free newsletter, Mastering Your Next Level.

Parachute Over Your Obstacles by Regina Barr

2005-10-18T09:51:00.000-05:00

I recently received an email story, author unknown, titled, Your Parachute. It was about a U.S. Navy jet pilot, Charles Plumb, who was shot down after 76 combat missions and spent 6 years in a Vietnamese prison. He had to overcome numerous obstacles but he survived his ordeal.

One day Plumb ran into a man who recognized him saying he was the sailor who had packed Plumb's parachute that fateful day. The man told Plumb that he was delighted to know that the parachute he had packed had worked and was glad it had saved him when he had been shot down.

Plumb couldn't sleep that night, thinking about this man, wondering how many times he may have seen him and ignored him. Never bothering to say hello simply because Plumb was a "fighter pilot" and this man "just a sailor." This man had spent many hours below deck, carefully and laboriously packing parachutes, holding the lives of many men - including Plumb's - in his hands.

Why am I sharing this story with you? Each day we need to spend time packing our own parachutes so that we are prepared when unseen obstacles come our way.

What does this mean? We need to take time to nurture our bodies and souls to ensure that we are always in peak working condition both physically and mentally. We need to take time to nurture others that are facing their own obstacles, however large or small, as we move along our own journey. And, we need to take time to nurture and build relationships with those people who we can trust to provide the support we need along the way.

What we most need to do is pack small parachutes everyday. You do this by acknowledging and recognizing those people around you by taking time to say hello, how are you, please, thank you, have a nice day, congratulations, sorry, feel better, and whatever other words or actions that a person may require from you to get through the day.

Next time things get tough and you are facing challenges you feel you can't overcome, take out your parachute, pull the cord and watch your parachute unfold. If you've done your part, you shouldn't have to ask, "Who packed my parachute?"

About the Author:
Regina Barr is a business consultant and speaker with a special passion for helping women achieve leadership success. Regina helps companies develop strategies to attract, develop and retain women leaders. Subscribe to Regina's monthly Ezine for women in business at http://www.RedLadder.com. Copyright © 2005 Regina Barr, Red Ladder, Inc.

Bigger, Better, Faster, More...NOT!! by Ken Donaldson

2005-10-17T07:28:00.000-05:00

"Bigger, Better, Faster, More" was the title of an album which the Four Non-Blondes produced in the 90's. I was struck how this title seemed to represent much of our modern day culture. I have wondered if we could find "better" via smaller, slower, and less...come join me for a couple of minutes and see what you think.

Part of what I have witnessed is this tremendous attempt to fulfill one's life with extrinsic, often materially-based, dynamics. Instead of a purpose-driven life, some people start to chase the insatiable energy of bigger, better, faster, more. This chase, from what I have seen, is much like trying to catch a jack-rabbit: The more invested you are in the chase, the more tired out you get and also the further you get off your true life-path.

We do not have to look very far to see those athletes and media-stars who have "made it" in their bigger, better, faster, more world, and who also have taken tremendous falls. All the bigger, better, faster, and more didn't save them from their self-destructive choices.

Try this on for a bottom-line: True happiness and true fulfillment come from within. The dynamics of knowing who we really are, why we are here, where we are going, and what we will
leave as a legacy will bring us a complete life and inner peace. Maybe not bigger, maybe not faster, maybe not more, but rather, "better" through our own simple and powerfully personal truth.

So here is an invitation for you:

Take a look at what you fear the most and answer these questions: Have you become attached to this, or these, in a way that has defined your personhood? Are you chasing something that only wears you down and tires you out? Do you find yourself to be unhappy regardless of how much bigger, better, faster, or more that you do and have?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, I invite you to do an inventory of your life. Spend some time discerning your values and your priorities. Discover your life purpose and your life-path.

It has been written:
Work like you don't need the money.
Sing like no one is listening.
Dance like no one is watching.
And love like you have never been hurt.

Find "the most important thing" in your life because the most important thing is to make the most important thing the most important thing.

About the Author:
Ken Donaldson has been based in Tampa Bay offering counseling, coaching, and educational programs since 1987. His REALationship Coaching programs empower people to have more successful lives, businesses and relationships by building a powerful relationship with themselves first. Ken is also the author of the upcoming book Marry YourSelf First! Visit his website: http://www.REALationshipCoach.com for more information and sign-up his free e-program Illuminations and Sparks of Brilliance. Copyright © 2005, Kenilee, Inc. Ken Donaldson, M.A., L.M.H.C. REALationship Coaching.

There is Nothing Wrong With You! by Alice Wisler

2005-10-14T13:52:00.000-05:00

I was seated around the kitchen table with my three children, enjoying a cherry slushie on a summer afternoon. My thirteen-year-old Rachel, was talking about weight. I told her I had had trouble with my weight in high school and dieted to the point of becoming anorexic. I explained that I had grown up in a family where my parents were strict about their own diets, and thus able to keep trim. They valued being slender and made it a priority.

Looking back on my teen years, I wondered aloud if the reason I had had to struggle with my concept of food and eating was due to my parents’ continual talk of maintaining their weight. “My friend Cathy had a problem like I did. But in her house, her sisters and mother weren’t thin, so there was constant diet talk.” Concluding my thoughts, I said, “Perhaps I felt I had to be thin in order to be accepted by my parents. Oh, well, every parent passes on something to their children. Some habit or way of thinking. No parent is perfect. I wonder what I’ll pass on to each of you?” I looked at my three children’s precious faces. Basically I was thinking, what will they bring to the therapist’s couch years down the road and claim the problem was something attributed to my parenting?

I dismissed the subject and started to talk about next week when my kids would go back to school. It was then that Elizabeth wrapped her arms around me and whispered in my ear with the certainty of her seven years, “There is nothing wrong with you.”

Wow! I felt as though God was seated right beside me and had revealed His acceptance of me then and there! There is nothing wrong with you! I hugged my daughter and smiled. “Oh, honey, “ I said, “That is so sweet. Thank you.” I didn’t add, “And how long will it take you to retrieve that sentiment? When you turn ten or fifteen?”

I began to ponder Elizabeth’s words as I continued my day. I wrote them in a notebook so I would not ever forget what she had said. How often we want to be told just those words. We wonder about our habits and behaviors, our weight, and what we are teaching our kids. Even in grief, as we cry or memorialize our loved one, we want to know that we are doing it the “right way.” Don’t we all want to know that we are doing the best we can in spite of our pain and circumstances? We thrive on knowing that we’re loved and appreciated.

Recently I have felt vulnerable as we have had our twelve-year-old house on the market. After the house has been shown, the realtor has someone from her office call to give feedback on what the potential buyers thought of our home.

I have to cringe when I hear certain responses: “The paint colors are too strong.” “It needs paint.” And my most detested because I cannot for the life of me know how one could come up with this: “There was an odor.”

This is the home where my son Daniel lived for his four short years. The weeping willow swaying in the front yard is his memorial tree. The garden on the side where we’ve planted tomatoes each spring is done in his memory. It is hard when anyone is critical of this sacred place where the memories are abundant and where we have laughed, loved, cried, grieved….and doubted.

Are we doing things right? Are we at fault? Is the house presentable? Will it sell? When? If it doesn’t, is it because we somehow failed?

We feel we are being scrutinized because others are strolling into our abode and casting criticisms. We have scrubbed the kitchen floor and even burned floral scented candles. Do the viewers of my home know how much time it took for me to get the mildew off the shower? We want to hear praise, not complaints. We desire to hear, “What a beautiful living room and what a fantastic screened-in deck! Wow, this is a great house for such a reasonable price!”

Likewise, we want to hear that we did the best we could loving our dear family and friends who have passed on. We want to know in our heart of hearts that in spite of the streaks on the window panes and the stain on the carpet, we loved well. We were doing it right and we were accepted and adored.

“There is nothing wrong with you.” I think that God, in His love, is trying to comfort me with those words each day. Now if I could take the time to believe them.

About the Author:
Alice J. Wisler, author of the memorial cookbook DOWN THE CEREAL AISLE, invites you to read more at her website, Writing The Heartache, http://www.geocities.com/griefhope/index.html

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/

Are Your Goals Exciting? by Jim Donovan

2005-10-13T10:06:00.000-05:00

With fall upon us, now is the perfect time to think about your future and begin to design the kind of life you'd like to be living. Unfortunately, too many people leave their lives to chance and happenstance, not taking the time to write down their goals and create plans to achieve them. This can be a huge mistake. Not having written goals would be like going on vacation without a destination, something most people would never consider doing. Yet, those same people will leave their futures in the hands of circumstance.

Having written goals will change your life. Spend some time thinking about what you'd like your life to be like. For the sake of this exercise, let's set goals you'd like to have accomplished one year from now. Of course, you can set shorter and longer goals as well.

What would you like for your relationships? How about your health, career, and finances? How about your mind and emotions? What would you like to experience? What would you like to do, be, or have? Invest some time now to identify these things and write them down. This will greatly increase the likelihood of your accomplishing them. If you want to know more about this, there are lots of books, including mine, to help you. That's not really the topic of this story, however, I'm asking you now to revisit your goals, particularly your short-term ones.

Do they make you want to jump out of bed each day eager to get going? Recently, I was feeling "less than great." I was even bordering on becoming depressed, something I rarely experience. I felt unmotivated, and wound up being pretty sick for several weeks. Upon closer examination, and because I agree with Socrates that, "An unexamined life is not worth living," I realized one of the things that I had done was to reset some of my short-term goals to be "more realistic."

What I had noticed about myself was that in the interest of being realistic, I had lowered my expectations. While this may seem like a reasonable thing to do, in reality, it left me totally uninspired and feeling pretty unmotivated about my goals. For example, if you have a goal of making enough money to "pay the bills" how exciting is that? Is that going to make you jump out of bed in the morning saying, "oh wow, I can't wait to get going, so I can make money and pay the bills!" I doubt it.

When I understood what I was doing, I immediately set new goals. I set goals that were way beyond my reach. Goals that were huge enough to really get my juices going. Now, when I think about my new, bigger goals, I get excited just imaging what it would feel like reaching them and what my life would be like having accomplished them.

Now, let's start setting some new goals for the coming year. Following is a simple exercise to help you become clear about your goals and begin creating the life you've always wanted.

1. Write what you do want. Be specific. List everything you want to do, be, have, and share for the upcoming year and beyond. Rather than writing "be thinner," for example, write "I feel & look great weighing 175 pounds." Instead of writing, "More money," be specific. How much more per month?

2. Write each goal in the form of a positive affirmation, in the present tense (I am, I have, etc). Set goals in the key areas of your life - spirituality, health, relationships, social, career, things, and money.

3. Next to each one, write why you want this and how you will feel when you have accomplished it.

4. Write at least one small action you can take right now to move toward your goal.

Each day, read your list of goals, concentrating on the feelings associated with having them. The more you can feel the feelings your goal will produce, the faster you can draw it to you. Your sub-conscious mind does not know the difference between that which is real and that which is vividly imagined. Fake it until you make it.

After you reread your goals, seeing yourself as having achieved them, and are feeling the good feelings associated with having them, ask yourself, "What is the next action I can take to move toward this?" Do this daily and watch your life change.

About the Author:
Jim Donovan is a motivational speaker and the author of several books, including Handbook to a Happier Life (New World Library). For a free ebook or audio and a subscription to his newsletter visit http://www.jimdonovan.com

Submitted at: Content-Articles.com - The Premier Web Site Content Article Directory

Having It All: A Mother’s Thoughts About Balance by Michele R. Acosta

2005-10-12T12:46:00.000-05:00

I am an 80s child. My teenage years were spent in the midst of the Cold War, punk rock, and hair-sprayed hair. I was lucky enough to have parents who raised me to believe that I could accomplish anything I wanted if I worked hard enough. I was unlucky enough to spend my formative years brainwashed into thinking that I could "have it all."

I imagined myself one day adeptly juggling kids (who were perfect), a home (that was also perfect), and a career (at which I was perfect). No one told me—or the thousands of girls like me—that "having it all" often means sacrificing things along the way. "Having it all" does not leave room for "perfection" because it means cramming as much into every second of every day as possible. "Having it all" means cutting corners whenever possible because 24 hours does not leave room for everything a working mother must do in a given day.

After 13 years of marriage and 10 1/2 years of motherhood, I have juggled children, a home, and a career. Notice the deliberate absence of the adverb "successfully" between "have" and "juggled." But I suppose success is a relative term.

My kids are not perfect, but they are not bullies, they have nice friends, and they do well in school (despite my fears that they do not read enough). My home is not perfect, but it is clean (if not as organized as I would like). My career, which has changed several times during my adult life, is certainly not perfect and always seems to interfere with my expectations for myself as a mother.

I suppose I now mark my success with my children's mile stones: I was supremely proud, thrilled (and relieved) when my oldest son told me that he liked the book Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone better than the movie of the same name. I was also thrilled when the same child received a rather long book for Christmas last year, read the whole thing, and liked it! My middle child recently took on the challenge of reading a book that was probably somewhat above his reading level, determined that he could read and understand it. (Notice the trend.)

Every time I think I have shed my 80s sensibilities regarding work and motherhood, some insidious thought pops into my consciousness. While I am supremely proud of my children and their accomplishments (and still guilt ridden that I do not do more with them in an educational sense), I am still looking for the perfect career.

My earliest career attempts involved writing and editing in the business world. There was not a lot of fulfillment, and I did not spend as much time with my family as I wanted. I also did not have time to cook pretty meals and keep my house up to snuff (at least my snuff). (Has anyone mentioned high/out-of-reach standards?)

The birth of my first child spawned an interest in education, and the birth of my second child became the impetus to seek out a career in the field. I went back to school, and two years later, I emerged with a teaching certificate and a Master's degree in education. I actually thought that being a teacher would "simplify" my life. The joke was on me. It was the hardest — and second most fulfilling — thing I have ever done. I was good at teaching and I loved it. A lot of teenagers write a lot better because they spent time in my classroom; I am very proud of that. However, it was also exhausting. I could easily have worked 60 hour plus weeks (and sometimes did). Classrooms are just too full. Imagine grading 140 essays that take 15 to 20 minutes each several times each quarter in addition to all of the other grading and prep work.

My children would not have recognized a home cooked meal if they did not encounter them at their grandparents’ homes. The laundry was piled high (clean and dirty), and I had weeds in my flower garden. I thought I was going to die the first year my oldest child brought homework home. Factor in the newest trends in education that tell teachers that everything they've been doing is wrong and the politicians who think they know best (even though their last classroom experiences were as students), and you have a profession that can swallow you alive. As I said, I loved teaching, but I hated the politics of public education.

Five years (and one more child) later, brings me to my keyboard and this moment. I am still searching for a career that provides not only income, family time, and fulfillment, but one that makes me feel successful, as if I have realized that unattainable dream. It seems that I cannot totally escape my desire to “have it all” even though common sense dictates otherwise.

About the Author:
Michele R. Acosta is a freelance writer, a former English teacher, and the mother of three boys. She spends her time writing and teaching others to write. Visit articles.TheWritingTutor.biz for more articles, writingeditingservice.TheWritingTutor.biz for professional writing/editing services, or TheWritingTutor.biz for other writing and educational resources for young authors, teachers, and parents. Copyright (c) 2004-2005 The Writing Tutor & Michele R. Acosta. All rights reserved.

No, No, No -- What Else is a Parent to Say? by Michele R. Acosta

2005-10-11T14:10:00.000-05:00

The word no is probably the most overused word in the English language. I speak from experience since I myself use it frequently.

I might begin a normal day by saying, "No, Joshua, you may not have a hotdog for breakfast," or "No, Alex, please don't throw your cereal on the floor." After breakfast, I might say, "No, Joshua, don't hit your brother," or "No, Alex, don't kick your brother."

While I'm making lunch, I usually need to tell Alex, "No, you cannot climb onto the kitchen table." By early afternoon, which is the time of day I set aside for my work, I usually find myself telling Joshua, "No, you cannot wake Alex from his nap" or "No! Don't touch Mommy's computer!"

By late afternoon, I find myself saying either one or a combination of the following: "No, you cannot climb on the dresser"; "No, you cannot sit on the dresser"; "No, you cannot jump off of the dresser." By early evening my repertoire usually includes, "No, boys, you cannot crash your cars into the walls" and "No, Alex, you cannot eat the cookie you've dropped on the floor. No! You can't take the dirty cookie out of the garbage!" On any given day, by the time my sons are securely tucked into their beds and are soundly sleeping - that can be anywhere from 8:00 until 11:00 - I have probably used the word no at least one-hundred times.

No has little value in our household, which I look upon as a microcosm of the world at large. People habitually ignore signs saying: no parking, no smoking, or no loitering. Last night, I watched a man park his car in a parking place reserved for the handicapped. Although the car had a handicapped parking permit displayed properly, none of the four people who emerged from the car had any visible handicap.

People generally look upon an answer of no as a challenge. Romantic movies are filled with plots in which the guy doesn't give up until he gets the girl and they live happily ever after. If so many adults fail to respond to the word no, then how can I expect anything different from two small children? The answer is that I cannot expect anything different, yet breaking the "no habit" is a difficult prospect.

With such blatant overuse, the word no has obviously lost its meaning; at least it has lost its meaning for my sons. The more often I say no, the less often my sons respond to it; it is as if a viscous circle has taken over the discipline in our household. If I had not already recognized the overuse of this two-letter-word which has invaded my home, I would have been startled when Alex, my almost-two-year-old son, began saying, "No-no-no. No-no-no." He has even been known to chant "no-no-no, no-no-no," while walking through the house with a cup of juice. I console myself with the thought that he at least understands that juice does not belong outside of the kitchen.

I find this to be a very difficult situation. With boys like mine, I cannot sit idly by waiting for a witty response to hit me in the face. It is more likely that they will hit each other in the face - or somewhere else. My greatest concern is that one day they will be in a dangerous situation (thinking, of course, that they are having great fun) and that my warnings will go unheeded because no has no meaning for them. Not that jumping off of dressers and climbing on tables are not potentially dangerous situations; this is the reason why I do not waste time on brilliantly creative responses which would satisfy the gurus of child psychology before mobilizing into action. It simply seems that climbing and jumping are commonplace occurrences in my house. In retrospect, it is easy to tell myself that I should have been more creative in formulating responses to my sons' exuberance and zest for life; however, in the midst of two boys rolling on the floor with legs and arms flailing, the word closest at hand is usually: No!

I have attempted to extricate myself from this circle in which no resembles yes more than it resembles itself. I have tried laughing; they laughed with me as they jumped from the fourth step of the stair case. I have tried getting on the floor and rolling around with them; they pinned me down and Alex almost choked me as he tried to climb on my back for a piggy-back-ride. At that moment, I again reverted to humor saying to my son, "Alex, you are an instigator. Do you know what that means?" He threw his arms up in the air and yelled, "Fun!"

I have tried to curb my use of the word no by curbing my sons' activities. My attempts at discipline have included giving time-outs, sending them to their rooms, and putting them in corners. These methods seemed to have some immediate value, but only until the next time. I even tried to instill more meaning in the word no by saying very seriously, "No means no!" I have to admit that I have been reduced to this innocuous statement more often than once.

There are times when I simply let chaos reign. I listen closely for the danger signals and intervene only if and when I hear them. I can also count on Joshua, who recently turned four, to tattle. It's wonderful because he even tattles on himself.

Recently, I ignored all of the thuds and booms that I heard coming from the toy room. I even ignored the cries and screams since none lasted for more than a few seconds. Eventually, Joshua came downstairs to tell me that Alex was in the bathroom taking everything out of the cabinet. I walked up the stairs, expecting to find towels strewn about. Instead, I found Alex standing on the vanity removing all of the medicine from the medicine cabinet. Joshua, who had followed me up the stairs, left the bathroom and returned a few moments later with a large bottle of children's cough medicine and a small bottle of syrup of ipecac that he had found in Alex's bedroom.

Somehow, no did not pack enough power to deal with the situation, so I immediately purchased safety locks for the bathroom and laundry room doors. That eliminated several instances of no per day.

Since I cannot remove all of the furniture from my house, and since I cannot alter my sons' perception of the word no (any more than I can stop my brother from parking illegally downtown), I must continue my search for other successful methods of eliminating no from my vocabulary. The tactic that usually works best with any child is patience; although, it is difficult to be patient when your children are perpetually black and blue, so I must use patience cautiously when jumping and climbing are involved. There are, however, plenty of other occasions in which the word no surfaces in my house. On these occasions, it is my goal to find another response to the situations which arise. So the next time I catch Alex eating Vaseline, before groaning or screeching - No! - I'll have to take a deep breath and say, "Alex, are you hungry?"

If I can successfully reduce these instances of the word no in my vocabulary, I hope that, with age, my sons will eventually learn that no does have a meaning. Until that time arrives, I am left with several years of holding my breath every time I hear Joshua say, "Alex, let's jump!" In the meantime, I have stocked up on Dalmatian Band-Aids and Bactine.